


The Descent of Ishtar

by assortedfruitsnacks212



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Ahch-To, Ben Solo Needs A Hug, Dreams, Dreams and Nightmares, Everyone Needs A Hug, F/M, First Time, Force Bond (Star Wars), Force Ghost Leia (ish), Force Visions, Goddesses, Growing Up, Heroine's Journey, I might be trying to make you cry a lil bit, Loss of Virginity, Mythology References, Prophetic Dreams, Rey Needs A Hug, Slow Build, Slow Burn, The Force, Virgin Kylo Ren, Virgin Rey, Virginity, Visions, but it will be so worth it, but they're very much needed, his defiance will shake the stars, so many feelings, some hard lessons in this here fic, what's real and what isn't? you decide
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-16
Updated: 2018-12-15
Packaged: 2019-03-19 08:57:35
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 11,104
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13701174
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/assortedfruitsnacks212/pseuds/assortedfruitsnacks212
Summary: At first, when she saw the bleak rocky shore, smelled the salt in the air, and felt the cold sea spray on her skin, she thought she was really on Ahch-To again. Some part of her had never left, after all. It only made sense that she would return here, now, before the end.Then she looked down and realized it was a dream.Little did she know this dream would show her her destiny.--Slow-burn Reylo, post-TLJ.--Dreams and mythology and general weirdness.--Ishtar: the ancient Sumerian goddess of sex, love, fertility, war, and justice.





	1. Descent

**Author's Note:**

> This fanfic has been on my mind for a while. I keep feeling like I don’t have time to write it, though, so I decided to try an episodic format. It’s scary because I like having everything nice and finished before I post it. But hey, this’ll be good practice.
> 
> Excited to explore this idea~~ *giddy*

At first, when she saw the bleak rocky shore, smelled the salt in the air, and felt the cold sea spray on her skin, she thought she was really on Ahch-To again. Some part of her had never left, after all. It only made sense that she would return here, now, before the end.

Then she looked down and realized it was a dream.

Below her, she saw the opening to the mirror cave. In most ways it looked the same as it had before: round, dark, and surrounded by a ring of tangled seaweed. But this time, the ring was much larger, and the seaweed was moving. Not because of the wind or any natural means - it was  _reaching_  for her, straining against the barren ground that imprisoned it. She swore she could hear it calling her name beneath the sound of the crashing surf.  _Rey, come. Rey! Come!_

She thought she should be unnerved, but she wasn’t. Climbing down carefully, she approached the opening with slow, tentative steps. When she reached the seaweed, it responded with delighted purrs, caressing her legs as she walked through it.  _Yes, Rey, yes. You’re here. We’ve waited for you._

On the brink of the opening, she expected a mysterious force to pull her in, as it had before. But this time, it didn’t. She crouched down, peering inside, as the seaweed kept whispering to her. She couldn’t see far, but she could make out the surface of the water, at least.

She knew what she had to do. She took several deep breaths. The water would be cold, she remembered, and it’d slam into her chest like a fist; best to be prepared.

Then she jumped, knifing into the pool below.

To her surprise, the water wasn’t cold after all. It was perfectly lukewarm - so well-matched with her body heat that if she stayed motionless, she would think she was floating in nothing. Ahead of her, a dim green light glowed above the water’s surface. Kicking her legs, she plowed toward the light, breaking the surface when she was close.

As she flung her hair out of her face and blinked the water out of her eyes, what she saw made her hesitate. This wasn’t the mirror cave. It was something new - a cavernous space that was impossibly large for the depths of the island. Somewhere in the mists ahead, the green light glowed steadily, like an eerie beacon.

“Rey,” a voice whispered from far away.

She tread water a moment longer. A chill passed through her body, sparking tingles on her skin.  _This isn’t right,_  she thought.  _I should leave. Now._

But what if there was something here she needed to see? What if this was no ordinary dream, but a vision? Maybe this was the Force giving her the answers she’d begged for.

If she turned away now, she’d never know.

Swallowing, she swam to the pool’s edge. She pulled herself out, dripping wet, gritting her teeth against the rush of cold air. And yet, she’d barely stood there two seconds when she realized her clothes and hair weren’t dripping anymore. She touched them, baffled to discover they were bone dry.

“Rey,” the voice whispered again. She looked toward the green light, lowering her hand from her hair. A gentle breeze came from nowhere to tease her skin, and she clenched her fists, steeling herself against its touch. 

Then she breathed in and plunged forward into the mist.


	2. First Gate

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Deep in her vision of the cave on Ahch-To, Rey finds an unexpected guide - and is asked for a sacrifice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're getting into the meat of things now. ;)

She didn’t know what she expected to find on the other side of the cavern, but whatever it was, she found something different.

Rey had been trudging through the mist, following the green light, when suddenly - too suddenly to be real - the cavern wall melted into view. She stopped short, startled by its appearance, and for a moment she thought there was no way forward. To her relief, as she walked closer, something else melted into view: a gate, just tall enough for a person to pass through, carved out of the cavern rock. Its door was solid wood, old like the sacred Jedi tree, and covered in ancient symbols. On the ground at its base, a mosaic glittered, depicting an elaborate eight-pointed star. At the gate’s apex, a single green light shone - the light she’d been following.

Intrigued, Rey moved forward, only to stop again when the gate opened. A hooded figure stepped out, reaching with a bejeweled hand to shut the gate behind them. Rey approached slowly, scarcely daring to breathe. The figure seemed so familiar. Could it be…?

The figure turned and removed their hood. Rey’s heart leaped, and a smile bloomed on her face.  _Leia!_  She looked just like she had before she died, dressed in a stately black gown with an Alderaanian mourning braid in her hair. If she was here, everything was going to be okay.

Then Rey moved closer, and her smile faded.

Leia’s eyes had no pupils. They were solid white, inhuman, even ghostly.

This wasn’t Leia at all.

Rey froze in place. Her hand shifted to the hilt of her lightsaber while Not-Leia, with an air of calm authority, brought her cane to the front and rested on it.

“Who are you?” Rey asked. Her voice was far less confident than she’d hoped.

“I am the guardian of this place,” Not-Leia said. "But what matters, child, isn’t who I am. What matters is who  _you_ are.”

“I don’t understand.”

“You will, in time.”

Turning, Not-Leia moved to a wooden bench Rey hadn’t noticed before. As she sat down, resting on her cane, Rey found the courage to step closer. Maybe this Guardian wasn’t an enemy, but a guide.

“What is this place?” she asked.

“A place you must travel through, if you wish to find your way.”

Rey glanced at the gate, then back at the Guardian. “So…I have to go through that gate?“

"Yes. But it will cost you.”

“Cost me?” Rey frowned. “How?”

“Touch the gate’s center, and you will see.”

Rey looked back at the gate, still frowning. At its center was another eight-pointed star, and in the time she’d spoken with the Guardian, the star had started to glow green. Balling her hands into fists, Rey walked toward the gate, watching for any sign of a trap. When none presented itself, she breathed in, reached out, and touched the central star.

The moment skin touched wood, the gate and cavern fell away. She was standing in a white hovel, and before her, a blond boy flicked on a blue lightsaber. Beside him, an old man watched, his expression unreadable as the boy swung the lightsaber to and fro. 

Then the hovel collapsed, and in its place a steel tree grew until it had swallowed up everything. She was in a giant shaft of wind and metal, watching from below as that same blond boy swung wildly at a shadow.  _Darth Vader._ Rey swallowed. She knew what she was seeing, even before the moment happened: a perfectly-timed twist of a red blade. The blond boy screaming as his hand tumbled down into nothingness, taking his lightsaber with it.

Then the shaft faded, and in its place, real trees grew. She was in winter woods now, watching Kylo Ren fight to pull the lightsaber out of the snow. When it flew by his head and into the hand of her past self, she couldn’t bring herself to feel triumphant. Nor could she do it when she saw herself slash Kylo’s face, heard him cry out as he fell to the ground. 

There was no triumph here, she thought. Just Kylo’s eyes looking up at her in pain.

Then the woods melted away, and she was on the highest cliff of the island on Ahch-To. She stumbled back, caught off guard by the rocky ground under her feet, the sea wind in her hair.

“Throw it.”

She turned to see the Guardian a few feet behind her, her silhouette as solid as a pillar.

“Throw what?” Rey said.

“The lightsaber. Throw it out to sea.”

Rey stared at her in shock. “What? No! Why would I do such a thing?”

“I told you going through the gate would cost you. This is the price.”

She stared at the Guardian a moment longer. When the white-eyed woman said nothing more, she looked down at the lightsaber, sleek and silver in her hand. She’d carried it for so long - painstakingly repaired it after it broke in two. She thought of the crystal inside, blue and uncut, and how it had made itself blue for Luke’s father, long before she was born.

“I can’t.” She looked up at the Guardian. “It’s not mine to sacrifice. I carry it for Luke.”  _For Ben._

“And yet, it chose  _you_. Did it not?”

Rey shifted her jaw. Her hand tightened around the metal hilt. “What happens if I say no?”

“You do not go through the gate.” The Guardian moved closer, cane tapping on the rocks. “Child, you may leave whenever you wish. I am not keeping you here.” She stopped an arm’s length from Rey. Her white eyes regarded her gently. “But make no mistake. If you leave now, you won’t have another chance. The gates will be closed to you forever, and I won’t be able to help you.”

Her words sunk into Rey’s core like a rock in a pond. Rey looked at the lightsaber again, thinking of Luke. When they’d first met, he’d found it so easy to throw the ‘saber away. She’d been shocked then. This was his Jedi weapon, his father’s legacy.

Could she throw it away, too?

Turning, she walked slowly to the edge of the cliff. The ocean stretched out before her, blue and clear, like the crystal she found so beautiful. She hesitated, then brought the lightsaber up to her face, as if moving to ignite it. She studied her reflection in its surface. “Forgive me,” she whispered, though to whom, she wasn’t sure.

Then she drew back her arm and threw the ‘saber. 

As it pinwheeled out to sea, glinting silver in the sun, she released a shaky breath. She turned, intending to say something to the Guardian, but the Guardian was gone.

The next moment, Rey was back in the cavern, staring at the ancient wooden gate.

It was open, and the passage beyond glowed blue. 


	3. Second Gate

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey is transported to an unexpected place, and begins to realize that each gate will be harder than the last.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was SO TOUGH to write, but I feel like I leveled up?

Unlike the green light from before, the blue light wasn’t a distant point for Rey to follow. It was buried in the walls, pulsing and dancing, like currents of energy. Rey walked forward slowly, eyes wide, fingertips reaching out to skim the glowing rock. The light seemed to be pulling her, she thought - tugging at her hair and clothes with gentle, unseen hands. It reminded her of the seaweed around the cavern mouth, and for a moment, she thought she heard the voices again.  _Rey, come. Come and see, Rey._

Then another voice spoke, this one a deep, rich baritone.  _Rey, I need you._  
  
Rey hesitated, heart jumping into her throat. There was no mistaking that voice.   
  
_Ben._  
  
Breath quickening, she stepped forward into the darkness. He was here somewhere, calling her. She had to find him.  
  
When the passage plummeted, spiraling downward like a corkscrew, Rey didn’t break stride. She kept her hand out, using the wall for balance as she raced downward. The blue light rushed along beside her like a joyous river, its energy so potent that she could hear it roaring through the Force.   
  
At the bottom, hidden under the last curve of the corkscrew, Rey found another gate. Unlike the first, there was no light at the apex. Instead, the rivers of blue light converged at the gate, swirling around its edges and turning it into an otherworldly portal. At the gate’s center, an eight-pointed star glowed a soft blue.  
  
The Guardian was nowhere to be seen, but Rey didn’t let that stop her. Hurrying forward, she reached out and touched the star.  _Take me to Ben. Please._  
  
For a long moment, nothing happened. She blinked, eyes roaming the gate. Did she do something wrong?  
  
Then the ground dropped from under her feet. She fell, screaming, barely catching hold of the ledge where the gate had been. Above her, the entire cavern crumbled into nothing, and the blue light in the walls rushed out to become a hyperspace tunnel, blindingly bright, spinning into an infinite distance.   
  
Powerful gusts of wind tore at Rey’s hair, her clothes, her grip. She cried out, terrified, even as a small part of her brain noted there wouldn’t be wind in hyperspace.   
  
If she died here, in this Force-born dream world, what would it mean?  
  
No - she wouldn’t even think of it. Gritting her teeth, she gathered her strength and pulled herself up, screaming from the strain of it. Once she was safely on the ledge, she scrambled away as fast as she could, breathing hard, arms shaking.   
  
It took her a few seconds to realize the rock under her hands had turned cold and smooth. She looked down in confusion. When she saw metal, not rock, she twisted to look behind her.   
  
All traces of the cavern were gone. She was aboard the Millennium Falcon, sprawled on the floor in the main hold.  
  
She stared with wide eyes. Normally she would be happy to see the Falcon, but not this time. Not here.  
  
Then, without warning, an impact rocked the Falcon, knocking the entire ship on its side. Rey tumbled into the row of seats behind her, almost hitting her head. A roar echoed from the passageway to the cockpit - Chewie, yelling something about “First Order bastards” in Shyriiwook.  
  
_The First Order._  The Falcon was under attack. Rey struggled to stand, panic coursing through her limbs. She had to get to the lower turret and help defend the Falcon.  
  
Before she could gain her footing, another impact sent her crashing into the wall. A strange voice cried out from below, and klaxons started blaring through the entire ship. As Rey groaned, pushing herself up from the floor, she saw smoke billowing up the ladder from the turret bay.  
  
“Chewie,” the strange voice cried, “we just lost our second gun! We’ve got to get out of here!”   
  
In that moment, Rey realized who it was. Shivers danced down her back.   
  
_It’s me._  
  
That’s why the voice was strange - she’d never heard it outside of her own head.  
  
As if called forth by her thoughts, a form emerged through the smoke, coughing and cursing. Rey was unnerved to see herself, dressed exactly as she was now, with a few extra cuts and bruises. Clearly her other self couldn’t see her; though Rey was in plain sight, Other-Rey ran right past her, heading for the cockpit.   
  
Rey hesitated only briefly, then followed after her.  
  
When they reached the cockpit, Chewie roared about the state of the Falcon. Catastrophic damage, he said. It wouldn’t take much more for them to disintegrate completely. And there were still three fighters left.   
  
As he spoke, he launched the Falcon into a downward spin, dodging red streaks of laser fire. Rey gripped the back of a chair as she took in the scene out the window. They were plowing through the ring system of a blue gas giant, weaving in and out of large chunks of ice. Rey had never seen anything like it, and for a second she could only think of how beautiful it was. Then Chewie pulled them into another hair-raising turn, and her stomach lurched.  
  
_I will NOT throw up, I will NOT throw up,_  she thought angrily.  
  
“Check the scanners, there has to be a larger body around here somewhere,” Other-Rey cried.  
  
Chewie roared.  
  
“Good, take us there!”  
  
The Falcon turned abruptly, barely missing a chunk of ice half its size. Behind them, an enemy fighter ran into the chunk they’d missed, exploding in a fireball. Rey gripped the chair so hard her knuckles turned white. In all her time on the Falcon, Chewie had never pulled such desperate maneuvers. Things were bad - really bad.  
  
The next minute of dodging and spinning felt like an eternity to Rey. Just as she thought she couldn’t take anymore, she caught sight of their destination: a chunk of ice so huge it straddled the line between asteroid and moon. She knew instantly what Other-Rey was planning, and she smiled. It was exactly what she would’ve done - which made sense, come to think of it.  
  
When they reached the ice body, Chewie pushed the Falcon into a dive, pulling up just in time to avoid crashing into the surface. As they ducked through craters and valleys, evading enemy fire, they skimmed the ice so closely that Rey could see veins of blue beneath.  
  
Eventually a large crater loomed ahead of them. The scanners showed it was a tunnel.  
  
“That one, Chewie!” Other-Rey cried.  

Chewie growled and took them down in a sharp spin. The enemy fighters followed, and together they plummeted into the asteroid’s translucent depths.  
  
The tunnel was full of columns, spiderwebbing stalactites, and entire sheets of ice. Multiple times Rey cried, “Chewie!” - only to remember he couldn’t hear her. She just had to trust that this wasn’t a vision of their death. It wasn’t, right?  
  
Her answer came when they burst out of the tunnel, and both enemy fighters crashed into an ice column behind them. The sight of their fiery demise elicited a whoop from Rey and Other-Rey.  
  
They’d beaten the odds. They had  _won_.

Immediately, Chewie slowed down the Falcon. As it settled to a gentle cruising speed, drifting out into the ice field, everyone in the cockpit breathed a sigh of relief. The blue planet glowed peacefully below, its light refracting through the countless bits of ice around them.  
  
The sense of peace didn’t last long. Reaching for the console, Other-Rey paged through a systems report. Her face fell, telling Rey more than she wanted to know.  
  
“It’s bad,” Other-Rey said. “There’s no way we can jump into hyperspace like this. If we don’t repair the Falcon…we’re stranded.”  
  
Suddenly, a new set of klaxons blared to life in the passageway behind them. Red and yellow lights started flashing on the console, and as Other-Rey frantically checked the source, Rey felt her stomach drop.  
  
“We’re leaking atmosphere,” Other-Rey said. “At this rate we’ll lose it all in thirty minutes!”  
  
Chewie bellowed and banged his wooly paws on the console.   
  
“I can fix this, I can fix this!” said Other-Rey.  
  
What happened next, happened in the blink of an eye. Other-Rey turned to run out of the cockpit and barreled straight into Rey. But instead of passing harmlessly through her, she made full-on impact, knocking Rey to the ground.   
  
In the split-second that she was falling, Rey thought she saw her double falling too. But by the time she pushed herself up on one elbow, holding a hand to her aching head, Other-Rey had vanished.   
  
Chewie turned in his chair, his dark eyes locked on her. With a jolt, Rey realized he could see her.   
  
_Her_. Not Other-Rey.  
  
He asked her what had happened. She stared at him, confused, until he got out of his seat and approached her. As he helped her up, growling his paternal concern, she caught sight of her hands.  
  
They had cuts on them… cuts she didn’t have before.  
  
She put the pieces together then. Other-Rey was gone. It was  _her_  turn now.  
  
She blinked, straightening up. “I’m fine,” she said, brushing Chewie off. “Just…just stay here, make sure we don’t hit anything.”  
  
Then she stumbled out of the cockpit, mind racing.  
  
It was a test, she thought, hurrying down the corridor. This was the worst spot they’d ever been in. She had to figure out how to fix the Falcon. She had to—  
  
She stopped short at the entrance to the main hold. There, right in front of her, stood the Guardian - white eyes, cane, and all.  
  
A cold shaft of fear lanced through Rey. _Oh no._ But she squared her shoulders, refusing to show weakness. “Where have you been?” she asked accusingly.  
  
The Guardian was unruffled. “I never left,” she answered. Before Rey could think of a comeback, the Guardian continued, “Go to the escape pods. Abandon the Falcon.”  
  
“You—what?”   
  
The Guardian couldn’t ask for this. How could she?   
  
“No,” Rey said. “This is my ship. My home. I won’t just give it up, not when there’s a chance I can save it.”  
  
“And that is why you must,” the Guardian replied. “At every gate, you must sacrifice something of value. You value the Millennium Falcon, therefore you  _must_  give it up. It is the only way.”  
  
“But…” Rey cast her gaze around the main hold. Its endearingly grimy floors, the rust on its walls. “What happens if I give it up? Is this…” She swallowed. “Is this just a dream, or…is it…”  
  
She trailed off. The Guardian finished her thought. “Or is it more than a dream?”   
  
Rey nodded. When the Guardian said nothing, watching her quietly instead, it was answer enough. Panic chewed at Rey’s gut, and she looked around at the main hold again.  _Home_ , she thought. The word echoed over and over inside her.  _Home, home, home…_

She blinked hard. Pain blossomed in her chest like a dark flower.   
  
“I… wanted to save it for Ben.” She glanced at the Guardian, then ducked her head. “When he turns…  _if_  he turns… he’ll need a home. The Resistance won’t accept him. Not after everything he’s done.”  
  
“I know,” the Guardian responded gently. “But think carefully, child. Which do you value more: the shelter this ship provides, or the man you wish to give it to?”  
  
Startled, Rey looked up at the Guardian. As she observed the woman’s regal form, her white eyes, her painfully familiar face, she had the strange sensation of being seen. Not just physically seen… pierced to the core. Somehow this woman knew her better than she knew herself. It made her feel vulnerable, and yet, there was a comfort in it, too.  
  
One by one, her protests died. The next time she spoke, it was with a soft, shaky voice. “If I give you the Falcon… will you show me how to reach him?”  
  
The Guardian smiled, and it felt like a ray of sunlight. Stepping aside, she pointed to the corridor with the escape pods. 

Rey took a breath and started forward, only to freeze in her tracks. "Wait... Chewie." She turned, intending to run for the cockpit.

The Guardian's voice stopped her.

"He is no longer here," the Guardian said. "This is _your_ journey, Rey. No one else's.”

Rey stared in the direction of the cockpit, confused. But after a few moments, a sudden calm washed over her, and she turned to lock eyes with the Guardian.

She understood now.

In a way, this dream _was_ just a dream. Somewhere out there, the real Chewie was safe, probably asleep in a bunk in the Resistance base. And he was no more aware of their current predicament on the Falcon than she was of his own dreams.

And yet, as Rey walked past the Guardian toward the escape pods, she knew that didn’t make this- whatever _this_ was- any less real.

The Force had heard her plea, and it had answered by bringing her here, to this reality beyond reality. Her choices mattered here - perhaps even shaped what reality would become. And every gate she passed through brought her one step closer to her destiny, to finding the answers for the Resistance, for Ben, for herself.

It was exactly what she had prayed for.  
  
Still, when she settled into the escape pod, she couldn’t stop the tears that sprang to her eyes. With a hiss, the hatch closed above her, cutting her off from the Falcon. From the only place she’d ever felt at home.

Rey allowed the grief to wash over for her for a few moments, and then steadied herself. She knew what she had to do. 

_I’m coming for you, Ben._ She folded her hands over her heart, smiling through her tears.  _And this time… I’ll be ready._


	4. Third Gate

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey arrives at the third gate - and is asked for the most painful sacrifice yet.

Her ejection from the Millennium Falcon felt so real - the blasting of the jets, the subtle vertigo from spinning in the void - that Rey wondered if she’d made a mistake.

The viewport had closed during ejection. Rey ran her hands down either side of it, trying to find a way to force it open. She needed to see if the Falcon was still out there. Were they still drifting above the gas giant? And was she in imminent danger of colliding with a chunk of ice?

She’d been looking for just a few moments - half a minute, at most - when the back fell out of the pod. Imagining an endless expanse of stars behind her, she gasped and flailed for something to hold to. “No, no!” she cried.

Then gravity kicked in, and she fell backward, her body smacking against rocky ground. She stayed there a while, breathing painfully, staring up at a gold-streaked ceiling.

She was in the cavern again.

Where the escape pod had been, the second gate now stood. At some point she’d passed through it, and now she was lying on her back on the other side. Though her body ached from the fall, she rolled her eyes. _Why is it like this?_ she thought. _Why can’t I just walk through the gate like a normal person?_

She tried to imagine what the Guardian would say to that. Probably something vague and mysterious like, _This is the way. There is no other._

Rey snorted. _Well, I’d like it if you found another one,_ she thought as she pushed herself up on her elbows. At this rate, she’d be crawling by the time she reached the last gate.

 _The last gate._ Frowning, she turned to look at the new tunnel curving out of sight behind her. It, too, glowed with its own color - a soft, warm gold, like firelight in a window at night.

How many more gates would she have to pass through? How many more sacrifices would she have to make before she reached the end?

She shuddered, trying not to think of it, and pushed herself all the way to her feet.

There was nothing to do but keep going.

This time, the tunnel sloped down at a manageable angle, winding lazily through the mountain like a snake at rest. Rey was glad for that, at least. Maybe she wouldn’t shatter her legs by the end of this - unless the Guardian planned to drop her from a greater height next time.

Gradually, the tunnel glowed a brighter and brighter gold. At first Rey didn’t care much; all she wanted to do was find answers for Ben, like the Guardian promised she would. But when little golden orbs, like stars or snow, began to rain down from the ceiling, Rey stopped and looked up, concerned.

What was this? Was it dangerous?

The snow drifted down onto her face, her hair, her shoulders. Bits of it got in her eye, making her blink. She held up a hand, concern making way for curiosity as the snowfall thickened. Each bit of gold that touched her hand disappeared instantly, not even taking a millisecond to melt, like snowflakes would.

Suddenly Rey realized her eyelids were getting heavy. Her concern spiked, and she tried to keep walking, but moving her limbs felt like dragging iron. Her heart stopped.

_Oh no... what’s happening? Ben! I have to get to Ben!_

She fought her way forward, gasping and groaning with effort. But it was no use. She barely made it three more paces before she sank to her knees. Though she tried crawling, fingers scrabbling at the rock, she didn’t make it much further before she collapsed on her side. As paralysis set in, she watched the falling snow, panic clawing at her insides.

Tears stung her eyes.

 _Ben, am I dying?_  
_Ben…_

The last thing she saw as the world turned black was an eight-pointed star beneath her hand.

\--

She woke with a start, heart pounding, palms sweating. At first she was disoriented, but as she glanced around frantically, she realized where she was, and she frowned.

She was in her bunk in the Resistance base on Deneb. The walls were as grey and dingy as ever, the glow-lamp on the other side of the room as warm and cheerful. She’d been given private quarters - much to her dismay - but her protests had changed no one’s mind. Poe and Finn, especially, seemed to think she deserved her own space. Though she didn’t agree, she knew better than to argue with those two.

For a moment she felt relief, but it quickly gave way to soul-crushing disappointment. What was this? Had she woken from the dream already? But...that wasn’t what the Guardian had promised. She’d said Rey would find answers for Ben.

And here Rey was, awake, with no answers.

She flung the covers back and looked around with fiery eyes. _Where are you?_ she demanded through the Force. _Take me back, we’re not finished!_

As if in response, a fist pounded on her door. She looked in its direction, startled. When she did nothing, the fist pounded on her door again, and this time her visitor spoke.

“Rey, it’s Poe Dameron! Open up!”

 _Poe?_ Rey’s frown deepened. He’d never come to her quarters before. Something had to be wrong.

She got up, crossed the room, and pushed the button to open the door. On the other side, she found Poe Dameron and two officers, each looking at her grimly. Poe, in particular, had a fire in his eyes that sent a jolt of worry through Rey.

Her worry changed to shock when he pulled a blaster on her.

“Rey of Jakku,” he said, “you are under arrest for crimes against the Resistance.”

 _I'm not awake._ The realization pounded in her head as she raised her hands in surrender.

No...no, this was wrong. She was supposed to go through the tunnel and find the next gate. Did she find it and not remember? Was the Guardian changing the rules of the game? None of this made sense!

“Crimes against the Resistance? What crimes?” she asked.

“ _He_ can see through your eyes, and you never saw fit to tell us? That makes you a traitor to the Resistance and the cause.”

 _Ben._ Rey’s stomach dropped.

Still staring at her, Poe addressed his companions. “Cuff her.”

They obeyed, approaching her with a pair of stun cuffs. She stood there stiffly, mind reeling as they slapped the cuffs on her wrists.

He knew about the bond. How had he found out? She hadn’t told anyone, not even Finn - _especially_ not Finn. And though she couldn’t always control the bond, she always removed herself to a private place if she felt it opening. She’d been so careful.

But that didn’t help things now. As the officers patted her down, Rey searched Poe’s face, her desperation growing.

“No, Poe—Poe, I can explain. It’s not what you think. He can’t even see my surroundings. He has no idea where I am!”

_And he’s not what you think. There’s good in him._

Poe stared at her coldly. “It’s too late for explanations. We put our trust in you, and you betrayed that trust. I could have you tried by a war tribunal for treason.” He hardened his jaw. “But you’re too dangerous for that.”

Horror pulsed through her veins. _Execution?_ “Poe,” she whispered, eyes wide.

“I’m exiling you from the Resistance and barring you from all contact.” Though his expression didn’t change, she thought she heard a glimmer of pain in his voice - an acknowledgement that this punishment was far from merciful. “Once you’re gone, this base will be abandoned. So tell your Supreme Leader he shouldn’t even try.”

He glanced around her room. “Where’s the binary beacon?”

A stab of horrible grief made Rey’s eyes fill with tears. _He doesn't want me to find them._ Mutely, she showed him her right arm. There, just inside her sleeve, the beacon clung to the underside of her wrist, like it always did. It wasn’t active, but she never took it off, in case something happened and they all had to leave - like now.

Poe’s gaze flicked down to it, then back to her. He swallowed and put out a hand. “Give it to me.”

He didn’t want to take it. He wanted her to surrender it willingly.

But she knew he would take it by force if he had to.

She stared at him, at a loss. Her grief turned into an all-body ache that pulsed and pounded with her heart at the center. It wasn't supposed to be this way, she thought. She loved them all - Finn, Poe, Ben, the Resistance. She'd only wanted to bring them together and put an end to the war.

But she couldn't tell them that now. As Poe said, it was too late to explain.

At that moment, Rey felt time stutter to a halt. The officers on either side of her froze, and so did Poe, his hand reaching out. Behind her, Rey sensed a presence in the room. She knew who it was without looking.

“Give him the beacon,” the Guardian said softly.

Rey’s lip trembled, yet she filled her voice with steel. “You say that as if I have a choice.”

“You've always had a choice.” The Guardian's cane tapped on the floor as she approached. “If you refuse, no one will harm you. You can simply leave.”

Rey turned to watch her. The Guardian walked to Poe's side and stopped. As she leaned on her cane beside the dashing pilot, Rey felt a spasm of sorrow. Of all of them, Poe had taken Leia's death the hardest. Rey knew he would give anything to have her standing next to him now, as he confronted the last Jedi.

“How would I leave?” Rey asked. “There's no tunnel. No gate. You dropped me here with no warning.”

The Guardian smiled. “So dependent on your eyes.” She gestured to the other side of the room. Rey turned, and where a blank wall should've been, she saw an opening into a gold-streaked tunnel. Its appearance in her quarters was surreal, and she stared at it a few seconds before dragging her gaze away.

“That tunnel will take you back to the surface,” the Guardian said. “You will suffer no reprisal. Everything you've sacrificed will be returned to you, and you can continue on your way.”

_But you won't get the answers you seek.  
For you, or for Ben._

Rey looked at Poe. In this endless moment, she took the chance to study his face, to absorb the anger and pain she saw there. She thought of what Finn’s face would look like if he found out. Would she be forced to see it if she stayed?

She looked back at the Guardian. The white-eyed woman inclined her head, silently asking for her decision.

Rey bit her lip. Tears overflowing, she offered her cuffed, trembling hands to Poe. Instantly, the Guardian disappeared, and time resumed its normal pace. Poe’s eyes shifted to her outstretched hands and softened with something like relief.

Stepping forward, he holstered his blaster and gently freed the beacon from her wrist.

“I'm sorry,” he murmured. Then he stepped aside. “Get her out of here,” he told the officers. “Give her a ship, make sure she has everything she needs.”

And with that, the officers marched her out of the room.

Rey knew that would be the last time she spoke to Poe Dameron.

But the worst was yet to come. As the officers took her to the hangar, the tunnels were buzzing with activity. The evacuation had already begun. Through it all, Rey caught sight of a dark face in a side passage - one of only two faces that were standing still. Though her heart screamed, telling her not to look, she looked anyway.

It was Finn. Rose stood next to him, an arm around his shoulders. And Rey knew immediately that they knew. Finn was staring at her with the most heartbreaking, complicated eyes she had ever seen. It was like she'd died and he was mourning her - but also like she'd killed someone he loved. His look of betrayal was so palpable it reached out and seized her by the throat.

Beside him, Rose stared at Rey with a boiling mix of injury and rage. It was too much. Rey turned away, even as she felt her insides bleeding.

_I’m sorry. I’m so sorry._

To her surprise, Rey saw the entrance to the hangar had disappeared. In its place was a gate, slanted between floor and wall, reminiscent of the door to a dungeon. In the center, an eight-pointed star lost its golden light, and the gate swung open to show a pit of silver-tinged darkness.

The officers shoved her through without ceremony. She fell forward, twisting just in time to catch the impact on her side. Then the gate closed above her, leaving her in the dark.

Alone.

She turned to look at the gate’s underside. Tears flooded her eyes again, and this time, there would be no stopping them. Her chest began to heave; her hands began to shake. Curling into a ball, she finally gave in, letting herself weep as wave after wave of agony washed through her.

Only one thought echoed in her mind.

_Ben, help me._   
_Ben.  
Please..._


	5. Answers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey refuses to go any further unless the Guardian gives her answers.

She lost track of time in that silver-tinged pit. There was nothing around her to mark its passage - no suns, no stars, no moons. She knew that a way forward would open up for her if she wished; the Guardian had shown her that. But she didn’t wish it, not anymore. She wanted to stay here, curled into herself, weeping until the wells ran dry.

And they did eventually. The tears stopped, and her heaving chest stilled, giving way to hiccups. But still she didn’t move. _There’s no point_ , she thought. Why keep going when she would be asked to sacrifice even more? And what good would it do, anyway? For all she knew, this dream wouldn’t affect reality at all. She’d get to the end, wake up, and realize she’d endured this agony for nothing.

She couldn’t bear the thought. She’d already suffered too much.

She was ready to leave.

As soon as she admitted that to herself, she felt a presence standing over her. Again, without looking, she knew it was the Guardian. But this time she didn’t say anything. She didn’t feel like talking. She didn’t feel like feeling.

To her surprise, the Guardian kneeled beside her and touched her head. At first Rey wanted to shrink back - the Guardian had no right to touch her that way - but then the Guardian started stroking her hair, and it reminded Rey so much of Leia that her eyes filled with fresh tears.

For a few silent moments, the Guardian simply touched her. Then she spoke, and her tone was gentle. Motherly.

“What can I do to help you?” she asked.

Rey sniffled. _Why is she asking me this? Is it a trick?_

But she didn’t betray her suspicion. She was tired of games. If the Guardian was tricking her, she was tricking her, and that was that.

“I need...to know...if any of this is real,” Rey said between hiccups. “If everything I’m doing is worth it. I won’t take another step until I know.”

_I won’t. I can’t._

The Guardian sighed. It didn’t sound like a frustrated sigh, though. It sounded...sad.

“Sit up, child,” she said. Slowly, Rey obeyed. When she was sitting with her legs crossed, facing the Guardian, the white-eyed woman continued.

“You wish to know if the journey is worth it.” The Guardian searched Rey’s face, though how she could see it, Rey didn’t know. “Tell me, child - what would make it worth it to you?”

Rey answered immediately. “Saving Ben. Knowing that my” -- she looked away and swallowed -- “knowing that my vision of the future will come true.”

“And what was your vision?”

Rey hesitated, blinking back more tears.

She'd never told anyone her vision. She'd hinted at it, yes, to Luke and to Ben himself. But she'd never described what she'd seen.

The sweetness that filled her now was almost too much for words.

“I saw...Ben and me. Together. Happy.” She still wouldn't look at the Guardian. “We had a daughter. Her hair was brown like mine...eyes dark like his. We taught her everything we'd learned about the Force.” A tear dripped down her cheek. “She was beautiful.”

The Guardian leaned forward, hands covering Rey's. Rey looked down in surprise, then up to meet the Guardian's eyes. They were so full of compassion that a shiver skipped down Rey's back. How did she know this _wasn't_ Leia somehow?

“My dear Rey... the Force has never sought to deceive you,” the Guardian said. “Everything you desire can come to pass, if you simply open yourself to the Force's will. Do this, and it will guide you.”

In her memory, Rey heard the voice of Maz saying those same words on Takodana. _The Light… it will guide you._

“But what does that mean here?” Rey asked. “What do my choices _mean_?”

When the Guardian wasn't forthcoming, Rey felt a stab of panic. She grabbed the woman's hands. “Tell me!” she cried.

The Guardian studied her a moment. Then she sighed, and Rey knew she was about to give in.

“With every sacrifice you make, you give the Force your assent to take those things from you. And it will - not in the same way you saw, perhaps, but in the same spirit.”

As the Guardian continued, her voice was strangely flat and matter of fact.

“You will lose Luke's lightsaber, the Millennium Falcon, and the good will of the Resistance. Everything else you are asked to sacrifice will be lost as well. If this is too painful for you, leaving will withdraw your assent, and what you were asked to sacrifice, you will keep.”

Rey stared at her, speechless. All this time, she had never imagined something so certain and concrete. It made her heart lodge in her throat - made her question every choice.

“And if I make it to the end?” Rey whispered.

The Guardian looked at her stoically.

“You will save Ben Solo.”

The air rushed out of Rey's lungs. If she'd been standing, she would've collapsed on her knees. She fell forward, hands flat on the ground. She breathed deeply - once, twice - then, before she knew it, tears were streaming down her face. Her body shook with silent sobs, and her hands clenched into fists.

She would save Ben Solo. All she had to do was persevere to the end, and it would happen. The Force itself had promised.

_This was everything I wanted,_ she said to the ether. _I thought it was out of my reach, but you’re showing me the way._

_Thank you._

She wept for a while after that - longer than she would’ve thought possible, considering how much she’d already wept. By the time she recovered enough to look up, the Guardian was gone, and the pit had opened into a tunnel lit by veins of silver.

Rey followed the veins with her eyes. A wave of warmth enveloped her, and she smiled through her tears.

_The Light… it will guide you_.

With a rush of renewed strength, she stood. Resting her hand on the silver-tinged wall, she stumbled forward, gaze fixed on the descent. The tunnel plunged downward now, more steeply than it ever had before, but she wasn’t fazed.

She no longer cared what else was asked of her. She would reach the end, no matter what it took.

And she would save Ben Solo.

 


	6. Fourth Gate

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey must make the most terrible sacrifice - one so terrible she could never have imagined it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m sorry it took me so long to update. This chapter really kicked my butt! And I still feel like it isn’t quite "there"... but hey. You gotta stop at some point.
> 
> Thank you, NaNoWriMo, for giving me the extra motivation I needed to get ‘er done.

If she hadn’t found fresh determination, Rey would’ve quailed at the passage ahead.

For the first time since she’d entered the cavern, the tunnel became truly treacherous. All at once, it ceased to be a winding path and turned into a wide, steep, silver-tinged plunge into the depths of the earth. Rey hovered at the edge, observing the slope’s rough surface (good for finding her footing) and the occasional rock jutting out of the ground (good for taking a rest, if needed).

Then, with a quick breath, she angled herself to the side and began working her way down.

At first the descent was simple. Before long, though, she was practically on all fours, propping herself up on her elbows as she looked for the next foothold. Memories rushed back of the countless times she’d climbed down the dark innards of a ruined Star Destroyer, hoping its depths held a treasure that would buy her next meal.

_How did you do it?_

Ben’s voice, a figment of her imagination, starting a conversation they’d never had.

Rey reached for a rock to hold onto. _Well...I had to survive. That’s all it was. Sheer force of will, telling the universe I would live another day…  and I_ would _see my parents again._

_But you never did._

She hesitated. _No._ Carefully, she stepped down to the ledge below. _But that hope kept me alive, and I’m glad for that._

A shy smile. Dark eyes locking onto hers. _I’m glad for that, too._

Before she realized it, she’d reached the bottom. As she stumbled onto solid ground and looked back up the slope, she felt protected - as if Ben, or perhaps the Force itself, had held her hand on the way down.

She smiled. “Thank you,” she whispered.

At that moment, a sound drifted past her, carried on a breath of cool air. It was a single sustained note, neither low nor high, produced by a metallic, inhuman voice. Rey turned, smile fading, and regarded the passageway behind her.

Someone - or something - was singing.

Carried on the same breath of air, the earthy tang of groundwater filled Rey’s nostrils. Instinctively, the Jakku child within her thrilled - _water! I’ve found water!_ \- and for one electric heartbeat she wanted to run down the passage, claim the water before anyone else could. But she stopped herself, blinking. There was no need to hoard water here.

Putting a hand out to skim the wall, Rey advanced slowly, peering as far down the tunnel as she could see. It sloped downward at an easy pace, as it had before. Yet there were no turns in the path, not even a gentle curve. It was so straight, in fact, and so carefully carved out of the rock, that Rey had the strange sensation of approaching a throne room - some ancient, grand place deep within the earth. She bit her lip, suddenly nervous; old fears crept back into her ribcage.

_I’m no one. Unworthy. Why am I here?_

Then the tunnel opened into the grand space she’d anticipated, and all her thoughts were swept away.

In a word, the space was massive. Too massive to be real. Had a cavern like this truly existed beneath Ahch-To, the island would’ve collapsed, and the sea would have taken everything.

Here in this dream world, the sea was no danger at all. Here, the cavern stretched on without limits, forming an endless landscape of stalactites, water, and towering columns of… of…

Rey’s breath left her. _Kyber._ Towering columns of kyber, sprouting from the rocky ground and burrowing into the ceiling above. She recognized it from the illustrations she’d seen in ancient tomes, as well as the blue crystal in Luke’s lightsaber.

In that same instant, she realized the singing was coming from this cavern. And it wasn’t just one voice anymore, but many, echoing all around her in a crystalline chorus. Mouth hanging open, she glanced from kyber column to kyber column, putting the pieces together.

The voices... _were coming from the kyber._

Each column sang with its own voice, adding depth to the infinite chorus.

Rey hardly knew what to think. This realization… it was too much. Swallowing, she turned her focus to the path ahead: a bridge of land winding through pools of water to the nearest kyber column.

Something about the path seemed to beckon her. Beneath the otherworldly chorus, she could’ve sworn it was whispering to her like the seaweed had.

 _Come and see the queen._  
_Come and see the king._

_They have been waiting for you._

A shiver danced down Rey’s spine, and her breath quickened. Yet the summons felt impossible to refuse. So she clenched her fists and started down the path, trying not to betray her fear.

Voices emanated from the pools around her. Dozens of voices, quieter than the rest, singing the highest notes in the chorus. Rey glanced at the water, searching for the voices’ source. She found it deep beneath the surface: clusters of kyber, glittering like sunken treasure on the bottom. Someday, Rey realized, these clusters would join to form towering columns, and they too would sing in deeper voices. Maybe in the future, this cavern would be an endless forest of kyber, submerged in still water, filling it with song.

At the end of the path, the column of kyber loomed. A shaft of moonlight broke through the ceiling in front of it, painting a circle on the ground. Within that circle, an eight-pointed star shone a gentle silver. 

Rey knew what to do. Entering the moonlit circle, she knelt ( _kneel before the queen,_ a voice whispered) and touched the star.

 _CRACK!_ A thunderclap split the air nearby, making her jump. In the blink of an eye, her surroundings changed. The kyber columns remained, but instead of holding up a cavern, they reached for a night sky. Beneath Rey's hand, the star vanished, and the stony ground became smooth, black glass so clear she could see her reflection.

Breathing fast, Rey struggled to her feet and looked wildly around her. Something was coming - she could sense it. She needed to be ready. 

It came from the kyber column in front of her: a tall, transparent form, glowing silver, emerging from the crystal as if it were a mere veil. At first the form was vague, incoherent. But as it walked slowly toward her, its transparency turned solid, and its features resolved. By the time it stopped a few paces away, it had become a woman, crystalline yet organic, clothed in a flowing dress and with flowers in her hair. 

Rey could only stare. It… _she…_ was beautiful.

The woman folded her hands in front of her belly - which looked distended now that Rey thought of it.

“Rey of Jakku,” she said. Her voice was multi-layered, with a feminine voice above and a masculine voice below. Rey recognized both from the chorus.

“Who are you?” Rey breathed.

“We are spirit. We are energy.”

Rey didn’t understand. She blinked. “Do you… live within the kyber?”

The woman tilted her head slightly. “We _are_ the kyber.”

In that moment, the woman’s form shifted, becoming a man with unruly, shoulder-length hair and a scar over his eye. Rey nearly gasped. _Ben?_ No, it couldn’t be Ben. Ben didn’t have a cleft in his chin. And though this man possessed only a whisper of color, Rey could’ve sworn his hair was blonde.

That didn’t stop her heart from hammering. 

“What do you want?” she asked. “Why am I here?” 

The being looked to the side, and in the act, its form shifted back to the woman. Lowering its head, it… _they_?... walked to a nearby pool. The water, too, had turned smooth and black like the ground. The being stopped at the edge and studied its reflection in the water. Yet it seemed to take no pleasure in doing so. Its shoulders were slumped, its air mournful. And as it stared at itself, its silver glow dimmed.

When it turned back to Rey, it seemed smaller somehow.

“We are dying, Rey,” it said. “Every day that passes, little by little. Soon, all this will be gone.”

 _‘All this’?_ Rey wondered. _The cavern... or more than that?_

She ignored the shiver that ran down her back. “But… kyber is a crystal. It can’t die.”

The being speared her with a look that reminded her of the Guardian. _So dependent on your eyes._ Rey shut her mouth, feeling a hot flush of embarrassment. It took her a few seconds to recover enough to speak.

“Well,” she ventured, “what can I do? Are you asking me to do something?”

The being hesitated. Its form skewed male again, and the sight of its strong jaw and scarred eyebrow made Rey swallow.

“There is… one thing that can be done,” it said. “But it is a terrible thing.”

“Well, what is it?”

Staying silent, the being looked past her. Rey heard the tap of a cane, and she turned to see the Guardian approaching. Relief washed over her, and she stepped forward eagerly to meet the old woman.

“Guardian. Please, tell me what it’s asking for,” she said in a hushed tone.

The Guardian stopped, resting both hands on her cane, and glanced briefly at the luminous being behind Rey. The set of her jaw was hard, the look in her eyes somber.

Rey felt her stomach flip. _This is it,_ she thought. _This is where she asks me for the hardest sacrifice._

“They are asking for your connection to the Force,” the Guardian said.

Rey knew she shouldn’t have been surprised. She had already sacrificed more than she’d ever imagined she would, all in pursuit of the Guardian’s promise. And yet, in her wildest fears, Rey hadn’t imagined this.

It was impossible. Wasn’t it? You couldn’t just transfer the Force from one being to another, like a knapsack full of salvage. It didn’t work like that. The Force was free and open to all.

But Rey’s body knew better. She felt her heat rise, and her palms began to sweat. Her breath quickened, and her stomach churned. 

Before she could even think of speaking, the Guardian continued.

“The power within you... it is a rare and precious gift. It is life itself. The Force becomes focused, sharpened, until the vitality of the cosmos comes to the point of a needle... _through you._  If you focus this power now, open the conduit to them, it will give them new life. But the act will be violent. To preserve your own life, your body and soul will sever their connection to the Force. It will be… devastating. Like losing all your senses at once.”

The ache in Rey’s core was so all-encompassing she felt it in her fingers. She wasn’t sure how she managed it, but in a ghost of a whisper, she asked, “ _Why_?” And with that one word, she voiced a thousand protests, a thousand questions.  

The Guardian heard them all. Taking Rey’s hand, she walked her to the water’s edge. There, the old woman waved her cane over the water, and it became a window into a vision - a wordless answer to Rey’s questions.

Rey saw the cavern in which they stood, with its countless columns of glowing kyber. As she watched, the columns stretched and grew, breaking through the confines of the cavern, until they had expanded into a vast root structure as large as the galaxy. Like a network of light, they connected every star system and every planet, even areas of the galaxy that, to Rey’s knowledge, were uninhabited. In a flash, she understood that this was the Force - the beautiful, intricate web created by all life.

Then the vision changed. Though the network of light remained the same, the darkness of space began to fold in on itself, assuming mass and shape. When it settled on its final form, Rey gasped softly.

 _Ben._  He turned to look at her, his eyes two bright spheres of light. 

“The Force is light,” the Guardian said. “And the Force is darkness. Without the darkness, the light is blinding. And without the light, the darkness consumes everything. 

“Ben’s light is in danger. But Rey - my dear Rey - if you so choose, you may kindle his light to life again, and fan the flame. That alone will not save him, but it will open the door.”

A ripple disturbed the surface of the water, obscuring the vision and washing it away. Rey looked at the Guardian, then at the ephemeral being nearby. To her surprise, the being was no longer one entity, but three standing together: the woman with flowers in her hair, the man with the scar, and a third man wearing a fur-lined coat. All of them were watching her, wisps of light swirling inside their bodies. 

Rey squinted at the third man. He looked young, and at first she didn’t recognize him. But as she observed his features - the devil-may-care hair, the strong jaw, the glint of good humor in his eyes - it dawned on her. 

“Han,” she breathed. _Ben’s light._  

“Will you give them new life?” the Guardian asked. Rey turned back to her and swallowed hard.

Give up the Force. But...the Force was all she had. She’d been a nobody from birth; her own parents had left her to rot on a backwater planet. For years she’d slaved away in dirt and darkness, hoping it had all been a mistake, that someday it would be made right again. 

That hope had died on the _Supremacy._ Her parents had never cared for her. Ben had known. And the moment he’d said the words, she’d known it too. 

But _Ben_ had cared. He’d seen the power within her, and he’d reached out eagerly to meet it. _You’re like me,_ he’d said, in spirit if not in fact. _I’ve never known anyone like me._

If she lost that power, he couldn’t say that anymore. Everything that bound them together would be gone. She’d be a nobody again, crushed under the horrible weight of mediocrity. And he would leave her behind.

What would she do then? Go back to slaving away in the dirt? 

 _I can’t._ Her breath came in short, desperate gasps. _I can’t, I can’t!_

“But...I’d have nothing,” she said. “And Ben…” 

She didn’t finish. Her throat constricted, and her chest heaved. Suddenly, she was sobbing like she had in the silver-tinged pit - like she had been left to rot all over again. Her trembling hands came up to cover her face, and she wished she could melt into the earth. Being seen like this felt like more than she could bear. 

The Guardian stayed silent, as did the luminous beings. At least there was that. 

Moments later, she sensed a shift in the air. Stifling her sobs, she lowered her hands.

They were back in the kyber cavern. The night sky was gone, the ground was made of stone again, and the luminous beings were nowhere to be seen. 

The Guardian stood quietly beside her. Patiently, like a mother. Turning, Rey stepped forward and buried herself in the Guardian’s embrace. The woman seemed surprised at first, but she relaxed quickly, wrapping her arms around Rey’s shaking form. 

“What do I do?” Rey whispered.

The Guardian stroked Rey’s back. Her voice was a deep, soothing hum in Rey’s ear.

“It is your choice, my child. But know this: fearing a thing doesn’t make it inevitable. Even without the Force, you have the power to shape your destiny.”

“But I won’t have the Falcon. Or the Resistance. And if I give up the Force…”

“You will have nothing to offer Ben Solo. Is that it?” 

Hearing the Guardian say it made the pain even more real. Rey screwed her eyes shut, and a fresh wave of tears spilled from under her eyelids. 

“Dear one,” said the Guardian, “you are more than your strength in the Force. Do you think, if Ben Solo loved only that part of you, you would be satisfied with his love?”

It took a long time for Rey to answer. When she did, she spoke in a whisper. “No.” 

“Then do not love only that part of yourself.”

A shiver rippled through Rey. She pulled away and looked at the Guardian, her eyebrows drawn in a frown.

 _It’s true,_ said a voice like Ben’s. _Others rejected you. Made you feel like nothing._

_But you’ve made yourself feel like nothing ever since._

All at once, Rey’s thoughts stilled. For the first time she could remember - perhaps for the first time in her life - she felt herself standing on solid ground.

She had given so much power away. To her parents, to faceless strangers, and to anyone who deemed to notice her, if only to kick her where she huddled in the dirt. And finally, she’d given her power to Ben, crowning him as the one person in the galaxy who could tell her who she really was. 

Through it all, she’d never seen the truth: that no one deserved the crown but her. 

Rey stepped back from the Guardian. The cavern swelled with silence around her; the kyber had stopped singing long ago.

“Take it,” Rey said quietly.

The Guardian shook her head. “No one can take it from you, child. You alone must give it.”

 _As it should be._  

Rey looked at the column of kyber that towered behind the Guardian. She could sense it holding its breath, waiting reverently, like a subject before its queen. 

Eyes fixed, she walked forward past the Guardian. She opened her arms wide, and for a brief moment she saw the luminous beings kneeling before her. The woman with the flowers in her hair. The man with the scar. And in the center, the man who looked so much like Han. 

“I give it to you of my own free will,” she said. “Live, and grow strong.”

A deep hum rose from the heart of the kyber. As she stood motionless, arms outstretched, it spread through the entire cavern until all she could hear was that single, chthonic note. Within her, a corresponding note built in power. Her bones vibrated; her teeth sparked with electricity.

Then the column erupted in a shaft of Force energy. The shockwave slammed into Rey and sent her sprawling to the ground. Pushing herself up, she watched as column after column exploded with light, all the way to that impossibly far horizon. 

Then another light dawned like the sun. It overtook the light of the columns, rushing through the cavern like a raging sea. As Rey watched it come toward her, terror made her lungs seize. She shut her eyes and dug into the ground with her fingers, expecting to be swept away at any moment.

That moment never came. In the space of a heartbeat, it all disappeared - the light, the kyber, the sound of roaring energy. She opened her eyes to see she was alone in a tunnel, bathed in a silver glow.

But something was wrong.

Her chest ached. No...it didn’t just ache. It pulsed with a deep pain, one that grew worse every second. Looking down in alarm, she touched her chest, expecting her hand to come away bloody.

There was nothing. And as the pain spread through her limbs, she realized that was exactly the cause of her pain.

She could feel _nothing._ Nothing. No whispers of energy from the cavern around her. No corresponding whispers from the world within. The galaxy had gone dark, cold, and unbearably silent - as if a great, terrible hand had smothered its flame.

Gasping for breath, Rey struggled to stand, only to collapse heavily on all fours. Her body was awash in the agony of absence, her eyes overflowing with tears.

 _Ben!_ she screamed into the void. _Ben, help me!_

She got no answer.

She would never get an answer again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THINGS ARE GOING TO GET BETTER SOON OK??


	7. Defiance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In the real world, Ben feels the pain of Rey’s sacrifice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this is short, which probably makes me a terrible author ;) BUT I WILL START MAKING UP FOR IT IN THE NEXT CHAPTER, which will be posted SOON. Hang in theeeeere

_Ben, help me!_  
  
Ben sprang upright in bed, gasping for breath. Fire clawed at his insides, and he doubled over, screwing his eyes shut and twisting the bed sheets in his fists. His mind fought desperately for a scrap of rational thought, but the world was bleeding red, and he could hear nothing over the screams of static.

Pain. Pain like he’d never felt before. What was happening?  
  
_Rey's hurt._ The knowledge slammed into him like a permacrete wall. _She's hurt and she's crying out for me._  
  
His eyes flew open.

All at once, through the haze of agony, he knew that everything he’d told himself since Crait was a lie. A wretched, pathetic lie.

 _I don’t miss her._ He felt empty without her.

 _I don’t want her._ He didn’t want anyone but her.

 _I don’t care about her._ He loved her.

Just like that, every other thought, every other drive vanished from his awareness. His only purpose now was to find her, help her, and punish whoever did this to her.  
  
Grimacing, he pushed himself out of bed, falling with a heavy thud. As the fire kept chewing through his gut, he used furniture to pull himself along, half-walking, half-crawling to the viewport on the other side of the room. When he finally reached it, he stood, holding his abdomen, and searched the stars for some sign of her.  
  
_Rey!_ he called through the Force. _Rey, where are you? I need you to tell me!_

Silence. As the seconds passed and she didn’t respond, his panic grew.

 _Rey? Sweetheart, answer me!_  
  
Still nothing.  
  
Ice flooded his veins. What if he never heard anything else? He didn’t have the slightest idea where to find her. Though they’d remained bonded since Crait, he'd never known her location, and their bond wasn’t strong enough to let him find out on his own. She could’ve been anywhere. And if she was hurt—

The thought triggered a foundational shift. His panic flared, then hardened into razor-sharp focus.

“No,” he said, smoldering. “No.”

Ignoring the spike of pain, he eased himself down into a lotus position. It felt foreign to him, yet all too familiar, and he pushed away the memory of bright blue eyes watching him shrewdly, waiting for some kind of mistake. He closed his eyes, breathed out, and willed his mind into a state of openness. The fire in his gut cooled; awareness of his surroundings faded away.

The galaxy was an endless landscape. Logic dictated he would never find her. But in this moment, the passion of a lifetime rose up in defiance.

He _would_ find her.

He would move the stars for her.


End file.
